Q: I have been thinking about "all things will pass"...which I understand, but if things do pass, such as my father's death, but it still is with me in an emotional way, are you just pointing to the physical part of this saying, and what do the words really mean...if something does pass but it stays with you, then what would you call that?
I believe this to be in memory but you do reference this saying a lot and I'm not nit-picking, more of trying to understand more about it so I have a better idea of this concept.
A: No, I don't mean just the physical part. All emotions pass as well. In fact, if you just have an honest look, you will recognize that that emotion comes and goes, and in fact, is mostly not present. You will think of your father and then sadness will appear. A little while later you are immersed in work and it is not appearing. Or you are enjoying a sunset, or laughing at your partner's jokes, or having a bad nightmare or beautiful dream at night, watching TV, or just thinking of nothing in particular.
So, in that way, you can see that no appearance is permanent. And, in fact, that sadness is never quite the same each time. Sometimes it is strong, sometimes mild, sometimes crushing, sometimes sentimental or nostalgic, sometimes sweet and tender. It is not a static fixed thing that is permanent. In a year it will be less. In ten years even far less. So, it is not permanent, it passes. In fact, it is mostly not appearing at all. See that for yourself.
We have created the concept of continuity, that something that appears in our mind remains there, like in the subconscious. But that is only a belief. That belief causes a lot of suffering. But just as in nature, appearances come and go—wind comes and goes, the moon comes and goes, rain comes and goes, winter, spring, summer, fall—this is natural and it is just the same for your thoughts and emotions. They are natural appearances too.
But, there is something that is present during all of those things I mentioned above. Guess what that is? Yep, YOU. Your essential aware nature. That is always present in all of the moments of sadness or joy. You would never know any of those experiences without your essential aware nature being present. It is because of YOU that anything is known.
So, when sadness for your father arises, it is a natural appearance and perfect as it is. In that moment just notice your essential aware nature, that you are aware. This helps in not getting into too much of a "poor me" story. Instead, it shines the light of wisdom on the story. In that moment you will know the sadness is impermanent. That is wisdom. Getting into a poor me story and believing that it is permanent or continuous causes suffering. Without that, the sadness arises and passes in its very natural flow. It is just an appearance passing on by.
Sadness is natural. Causing it to linger around for a long time by building up a story is something we have learned to do. But it is not necessary. And, it is not necessary to think that if you don't dwell on this sadness for a long time it means that you don't love your father enough. That is another learned and false belief.
See in your own experience that everything arises and passes, appears and disappears. And that if you recognize your essential aware nature during its appearance it takes on its very natural rhythm and just passes by without causing any harm. When you do this you will see that you are on to the next experience and emotion very quickly. And that too shall pass. But you remain always, aware.
Q: It is taking me a while to "get it" so to speak. The more I recognize awareness, the more I see more opportunities to do it. I don't really know sometimes if I am doing it "right". All I know to do is just relax my mind from having opinions about everything that happens and getting caught up in my thoughts and emotions. I trust that if I keep on (and at this point I could never turn back anyway) I will finally see my true nature.
A: Thank you for writing. Every time you stop and notice that you are aware, you are noticing your essential nature. We, including me, have been taught to believe that it will look like something—bliss, god, energy, silence, ecstasy, magic powers, or whatever else. No wonder it is so hard for us to accept the utter simplicity and obviousness of what we are, since we are looking for something so grand, when in fact, it just looks like whatever is in this moment.
That simple recognition is not only the doorway to the kingdom, it is the kingdom. You will come to know that more and more. That is why the suggestion is to just keep coming back to that simple recognition again and again. All true teachers offer this same recommendation. No need to worry about having opinions. I have opinions too. That is just what mind does. It's a total relief to not have to care about what this crazy mind is going to come up with next.
Do you know what freedom is? It is not a state. It is just a doubtless knowing that you are free. That's all. And that will come about naturally by continuing to abide as your aware nature, even when opinions arise. If it was a state then it couldn't be freedom, or your eternal nature, because all states change and all states arise and disappear. So, how can we depend on those and why should we give them undo importance? As long as you are looking for a state, even if it is very subtle, like silence or peace, you overlook that you are already free. And you are always present, through all states. Check that out for yourself and see that you are always present, no matter what appears. That is how you will come to know that you are free.
Q: Wow! What a great response.
There is so much in your email that I see now that I was doing that I really didn't realize. I forgot that I don't have to worry or give any thought to opinions...
I have searched for many years (20+) for a teaching that would deliver me from fear. I have been looking for something that would banish fear from my life. Only THEN would I feel free. Only then would I know real freedom. I want to walk the earth completely fearless and help others. It seems now that goal is not possible. Maybe it is about not fearing fear. I don't know. As I sit here writing this I notice that I am aware and that awareness is not afraid. But something seems to be. Well, I feel that things will take care of themselves as I keep coming back to recognizing that I am aware.
A: It sounds to me that you are doing fine. I completely understand when you say, "I have been looking for something that would banish fear from my life. Only THEN would I feel free. Only then would I know real freedom." We have all been taught to believe that certain conditions indicate that we are not free, and that the ultimate set of never-ending-perfect-conditions will make us feel that we are free. But as I know you know, those conditions will never come. But you are always here, eternally, through all conditions. As you noticed, there is something that seems to be afraid, but you are aware of that. I think you can definitely trust that by continuing just as you are doing, with full commitment to your essential aware nature, all is and will be fine.
Here is a very small investigation to try. Just remember back to when you were young—seven, five, twelve—just in a very relaxed way remember yourself back then and see yourself looking out of those young eyes. Try to remember a scene from your childhood from your perspective. Place yourself there. Try it now.
It was you looking, exactly as it is you looking now. But, every cell of your body has died and been replaced by new ones. So, that means that this must be a completely different body from the one back then. How can that be? You must not be this body. So who are you then?
You are here then and you are here now and you are here many years from now when your body is eighty. You have been enjoying the show the whole time. But the show is so convincing that we come to believe that we are in the show, not just in the audience. That is all you need to trust in, that you are eternal, aware, that which has been watching your whole life's events, including the growing and changing of your body. This is where your perfect health and fearlessness lie.
The
essence of mind is empty. It is synonymous with true nature and is the
natural default human condition. What we generally call mind is actually
the content—thoughts, emotions, sensory objects. Whether these things
are present or not, essential mind remains untouched and unmoved. We are
taught to value the content of mind, not the essence. This is why there
is suffering and confusion. The content is in constant change and flux,
birth and decay, so there can be no security or stability in valuing
that. The true mental and emotional stability is already attained and is
found by valuing the essence of mind, which is empty, free, clear and
stable at all times already. Whatever the content is doing doesn't
matter at all. Come to know the essence, empty mind. This is peace.
